choke

i have seen the stars from so many places. 

looking up is a hopeful gesture it seems.

but not here.

grasping at my fists with my head in the air. 

it’s not a head held high. it’s just tight and suffocating. 

you know that choking feeling you get when you scream in your dreams?

a muffled,

desperate attempt to make a sound. 

you can’t make anyone hear you. no matter how hard you try.

your throat is dry, the attempt is coming from somewhere. but you aren’t actually alive. or in your current state of here.  

your whole body making the effort to push up and out.

this is me trying to reach you. a million stars away now.

it’s quiet today.