fixation.

i want to be obsessed with something, anything really. rather than filling my void with countless banter springing from a machine everyone and their minds own. i am given a forced set of emotions day to day. but only if i could get out.

i admire those artists that spend hours on one single dot or mark or shade. i admire those writers that fill thousands of notebooks with nothing but their own good hard thoughts, or mixed media retaining to nothing. either way, they have some kind of fire.

writing until a pencil breaks, collecting until a house is full of forget me nots. they have the desire to be remembered for something other than their soul. i hate to admit it, but i admire those over exercisers, over eaters, and over achievers. at least they do something well enough that it needs to be repeated. again and again. and for some, the benefits outweigh the negatives. i admire even the addicts. at least they are driven to stick with something.

maybe today i will dedicate myself to the masses, but again, i will just fall short.